Day out at the park

So I recently took a trip to a local park, and some of the pictures I took there are so beautiful. Photography is something I used to really enjoy but I stopped having time for it when I went to college, but, three years later, I have rekindled my love. My favourite thing to take pictures of is definitely nature, it's always so beautiful, no matter the time of day or weather. So go ahead, and enjoy the beauty that is nature.

These two pictures, I am so happy with how they turned out, these flowers looked so petite and pretty, I just had to take pictures.

Purple used to be one of my favourite colours, So these flowers really stood out to me.- they're so pretty.

I'm not completely sure why, but I was so drawn to this tree, which might sound odd but, I just thought it looked absolutely beautiful surrounded by these gorgeous purple wildflowers.

This lake was so beautiful, both times I have visited, I have gotten some pretty amazing pictures, this one was my favourite out of them all though.

These were the friendliest swans I have ever came across, They came so close and were not phased at all by the three dogs I had with me.

My bad bleach experience

Thursday 3rd September:

Okay, so I had a deep mahogany red with a purple undertone colour hair and I decided that I wanted a change before I started my second year of university. So I went to the shop and bought the same hair bleach that I always use and I went home. That night, I bleached my hair. I got my mum to do it so that my whole head would be covered evenly and she put the bleach on the same way it's always done and it was left on my hair for the same length of time I always leave it on for, however when it came to washing the bleach out, I found that large clumps of my hair was falling out. Now I have bleached my hair a couple of times in the past and this has never happened before so needless to say, I freaked out. My hair wasn't washing properly because all of the shampoo and conditioner was clinging to the hair that was falling out. So when I finally gave up, I went downstairs and sat in the kitchen. When my mum came in, I burst into tears and told her what had happened. My parents have been amazing through this. Which to anyone, might not seem like a big deal, but for me, someone who has fine, hair, and not much of it, it was a huge deal. I have lost large tufts of hair. And the only long parts left are all at the back.

So yeah, my mum. She was amazing, she combed through my hair to remove any loose hair that was left and told me to go and wash it again. When I came back down, my dad was gone and she told me she had gotten in touch with my auntie - who is a hairdresser - and that my dad had gone out to buy the keratin shampoo and conditioner my auntie told her that my hair needs. Yeah, I will be doing a review on the products that he bought me because be came back with a bag full of different things. 

But anyway, while i'm writing this (which won't be the day this is posted), it's the next day and I have sat in my pyjamas l day, putting keratin oil and conditioner in my hair every couple of hours to help give my hair back some moisture and strength. I have to admit that although this may seem small, and not a huge thing to anyone, it is to me. I l have not been able to look in a mirror without wanting go cry. My appearance is literally making me feel sick. I'm currently trying to pluck up the confidence to put actual clothes on and some makeup and be able to look in the mirror. And i'm also trying to build up the confidence to ask my auntie to come and cut my hair off. Because I want it all gone - which isn't just because of this, I wanted it all gone anyway, I just want more of it gone now. 

I just want to not feel repulsed anymore. I was only just getting comfortable wit my appearance and then it got knocked away. And I honestly have no idea what to do with myself. I refuse to leave the house. And would rather spend all day on my own and not see anyone. Because explaining to people why my hair looks the way it does and why I look depressed is just too much for me to handle. I have cancelled all plans that I had made because I can't bare to see anyone. 

Friday 11th September:

Okay, so it's now a week and a few days later and I figured I would write everything that happened in the last week in one post instead of doing an update everyday. 

So, the friday after half my hair fell out was the first day I washed it. I used the TRESemme Keratin Smooth shampoo and Conditioner  to wash my hair with. I did not use a hairdryer as I didn't want to further damage my hair, but, I did put the TRESemme Kertain Smooth heat protection spray in my hair to add more kertain to aid my hair in repairing, I then put the OGX Anti-Breakage Kertain Oil Instant Repair Weightless Healing  Oil  in my hair for added protection and to aid repairing. - I repeated this two days later. 

Monday 7th September: 

This was the first day that I braved the outdoors and the only way I managed it was because I hid all of my hair in a beanie - and because after two washes, most of the red patches in my hair had faded. So I hopped on a bus and visited my friends that live an hour away - This day also happened to be a day that the UK weather decided it wanted to pretend it was still the middle of summer, needless to say, I melted - especially with that beanie on. 

Tuesday 8th September: 

This was a pretty great day. I shoved all of my hair in a ponytail and took the dogs on a three hour walk - I will be making a blog post full of my pictures from this day and another day I spent exploring the same place as I got some pretty incredible pictures on both days. After the walk, I went to the hairdressers and got all of my hair cut off. Meaning that the majority of dead hair is now gone and I couldn't be happier - I also have a post coming up all about my hair transformation, so look out for that!

Wednesday 9th September: 

This was two days ago now, and on this day, I went out and bought this hair dye. It definitely didn't turn out as dark as I had hoped but, it came out okay and I will be dying it a darker brown in a few weeks but, I want to allow my hair a few weeks rest from any damage to give it a chance to repair itself as much as possible.  

So, that's it! If anyone has ANY tips on repairing damaged hair then please do let me know and I will be forever in your dept! 

xoxo  

My monthly favourites

It's that time of month again were I blabber on about the things I've really enjoyed this month. And, I forget to post these every single month so if I remember to publish this, someone needs to buy me some ice creme. 
Okay, this month has been lovely. The weather has been nice, I've gained a tan - which, might I add, never happens so that is a glorious achievement in itself. 

okay, so the things I've loved this month. 

Beauty 

I have always used a plain old brown powder on my eyebrows, but this month, I invested in the Soap and Glory Archery Brow Tint and Pencil and I have to say, it's brilliant. It makes my brows look so beautiful, and you can get your brows to look really natural by just using the pen end and doing small brush strokes, but the pencil end adds such definition that makes your brows just stand out. 

I have absolutely loved wearing a nude colour on my lips  and the lipstick I have been loving is the Rimmel Kate Moss in the shade Number 3. It is a gorgeous brown/pink nude shade that looks so flattering and natural when on. Definitely a shade I will repurchase when it runs out. Which is a big deal for me because I usually only wear red/berry toned lipsticks. 

Okay, so the last beauty item I have adored this month is Benefit's Rollar Lash which, if I'm honest, is a little more pricey than what I would normally spend on a mascara, but, I have absolutely loved it and it definitely is worth every single penny. 

TV/Film 

The tv show that I have loved the most this month is Pretty Little Liars. I have loved this show for 5 years now, and not a single episode has ever disappointed me. I am in love.

A movie I have loved this month is a movie called Wish I was Here, it is a Zach Braff movie and it's just a beautiful film to watch. It's funny and emotional and the storyline is just really nice to watch. 

Music 

My music favourites will always be The Ghost Inside, they are without a doubt my favourite band, everything I have heard by them is brilliant and they never disappoint me. 

But, as a new one, I have loved Happy Song by Bring Me the Horizon. I didn't expect to because most of the people I know who listened to it before me said it was a really bad song, but as you will know from my review on it, I adored it. 

Another band I have loved listening to this month is Architects. I never get butterflies from listening to a band but their album Lost Forever//Lost Together is truly beautiful and I have really enjoyed listening to it this month. 

Youtubers

When I think about what youtubers I have enjoyed this month, there are only a few that come to mind. and those are:

• EssieButton - I only discovered Estée last month but I have really enjoyed watching her new and old videos this month, her voice is so calming to listen to and the quality of her videos is amazing. 
• VelvetGh0st - I have loved Gabby for over a year now and her videos never fail to make me smile, although, I think the way she has changed her life around and handled everything she has gone through over the last couple of months really is something to be admired. 
• Lucy&Lydia - These two are the happiest people I watch on the internet, and although their content is pretty much the same as most female youtubers, their happiness and chemistry just makes their videos something I have to watch because I just know I will feel insanely happy afterwards. 
• and, PointlessBlogVlogs. - Not the greatest youtuber atm, the content on his main channel has lacked so much, but, his vlog channel is something I watch every night. I love how happy and enthusiastic he is. I have literally watched every single video he has released this month on this channel, loved them all. 

okay, that is is from me. 

thanks for reading, xoxo.

Inside Out Review

This review does contain a few spoilers. I wanted to avoid them but it really just can't helped with this movie. I will make the spoilers obvious though so if you don't want to see them, you can ignore them.

I really do not want to ruin this movie for anyone because in all honesty, it is a good film. However, it is definitely not as good as it looked on the adverts.

I walked to the cinema so fast, I was so insanely excited to watch this movie ok. And, if I'm being completely honest, I have never been so bored watching an animation before, especially a Disney animation.

Maybe this movie just had too much hype surrounding it? i don't know because I don't like frozen but I wasn't bored watching that.

Right, it started off really well, the story was so lovely to begin with. It shown Riley as a baby and how the emotions came into it all, and it was quite funny. I think the main problem with this movie is that it is based around Riley aged 11. The movie was completely about the emotions learning to control themselves and run a child properly. which does sound like a good plot, if it had been done at the right time in a child's life. I think the movie would have been a lot better if it had been based in a time when a kid is really learning about their emotions properly and going through puberty.

Okay, so the main part of the story is the fact that joy and sadness get sucked up the pipe that takes the memories from the day to longterm memory. So sadness and joy then have to get back to headquarters to save Riley from becoming a recluse because she is being ran by anger, fear and disgust. And it was SO repetitive. Like, they tried to get back and it failed, they tried again, it failed. They then got lost. Then they get lost again. Then they find a new way to get back, that doesn't work out. It was like every new method they had to get back failed multiple times before it worked out - which as a storyline, isn't very entertaining and it very boring to watch.

Now, I know a lot of people go to watch this movie for a happy, funny family movie and I hate it break it to every single person that reads this, but this movie is far from that. This movie is actually pretty upsetting. these emotions can literally only be what they are named, sadness can only be sad, anger can only be angry, joy can only be happy etc, but, joy learns to be sad in this movie. [SPOILER] My favourite character was thrown in part way into the movie, given an amazing, touching and sad back story, promises were thrown his way, he was an insanely kind character and then he is killed off.  How is that suitable for children? Kids films are meant to be happy and have a really good moral. The only moral to this movie is that sadness runs your life and unless you learn to cry,  you will never be okay.
What kind of lesson is that for a child?
I truly believe that if you go to watch this movie with an open mind, preferably without having seen anything about the movie then you will enjoy it a lot more than someone who goes hoping to see a happy, funny movie. I wouldn't say that the movie is awful, but it's certainly not one I'd pay to see again.

What university is like when you have anxiety.

*Disclaimer* this is based on my own personal experience and shouldn't be used as a reference on deciding whether or not you should go to university if you have anxiety. Plenty of people go to university with anxiety and find people who are in the same boat as them and they become fast friends.

When people think of university, they think of making friends with their flatmates, getting drunk all the time, staying up late eating pizza and drinking vodka, going out to different clubs every night. But what rarely gets addressed is what it's like to go to university when you have anxiety.
University with anxiety is like getting thrown into a swimming pool at the deep end after 2 swimming lessons - you're a bit prepared but when it happens you feel like you're drowning.

Before I started university I told myself that it was going to be my year of changing everything, I was going to make friends and join societies and be a happier person. But, little did I know that it would be the opposite. University has brought me nothing but stress and loneliness.When I met my tutor group, I tried to communicate but just couldn't bring myself to say anything to them. But if I'm honest, none of them seemed like people who I could get on with very well anyway. However, I did make two friends at university, Luci and Jake. During the first few days of lectures, I'd seen  Luci about and thought that she seemed like someone I could be friends with, and then on the thursday, I had my first lesson with my tutor and my tutor group and she walked in and got sat with me, said she had missed induction week. After that we were inseperable in lessons and often thought of together by most tutors, although I do think this was down to us both having brightly coloured, ever changing hair throughout the whole year. Luci is amazing, she has a wonderful personality but because of my anxiety, I find myself not knowing what to say to her most of the time so 75% of our conversations are about lectures and work. She is someone I spend most of my time wishing I was closer to, someone I wish I could call my best friend cos fuck, I haven't had one of those in 4 years. My other friend, Jake, he introduced himself to me (and later told me that he planned out how he was going to introduce himself to me) and in all honesty, I found it easier to talk to Jake because he treats everyone like he is already friends with them and that's great to me because it means i get to skip the awkward introductions (Although, Jake left university after 7 months so that friendship didn't last that long). Okay, so throughout the whole year, it was nice knowing I had friends but during the anxiety attacks knowing I had friends but not knowing how to talk to them about it fucking sucks and tbh, probably made it worse.

So flat parties. meant to be insanely good right? well, they kinda are. A bunch of drunk people drinking more alcohol and singing that stupid song while someone downs their drink, getting everyone to pour some of their drink into a big jug and getting everyone to down as much as they can. First one I went to was great but I think that was because one of the people I lived with was there and this was in the first week so she still pretended that we had the potential to be friends. The next one however, was a bummer - barely anyone turned up so I got ignored most of the night - possibly because anxiety stopped me having the guts to talk to anyone. 

Another problem I faced at university was my work. It was never too difficult but there were plenty of times that I had my doubts that my work was good enough and because of anxiety, I couldn't go to my tutor and ask for help. I could never go to my tutor with any problems or doubts that I had which was a real shame because she was lovely. There were plenty of times that she would ask me if everything was going okay and even if I was close to tears I still couldn't bring myself to admit that I felt like I was falling apart.  

University isn't all bad though, despite my anxiety, I did have a lovely year. One of my best memories was the day I spent out with Luci, it was after university had finished but I'm still going to count it. So, me and Luci went to mini golf and then we spent the rest of the day wondering around the city. I had spent the whole right before completely worried about what was going to happen, whether or not I'd have the guts to say anything to her, trying to plan out what I would say to her. And, I guess it payed off because we had a really lovely day together. 

Throughout the year, anxiety has prevented me from doing a hell of a lot at university and i can honestly say that it isn't the same for everyone. I just thought I'd share my personal experience.

xox

Review of Parkway Drive - Vice Grip

This has been a long time coming. They released this song like what, a month ago?
but once again, much like the bring me the horizon review, this is a first reaction review, meaning that I'm listening to this song for the first time while I write the review.

Parkway Drive are a band that I have admired for a long time now so not listening to this song sooner was a difficult task, took a hell of a lot of self control. Really hoping I'll like this song.

okay, the intro is very promising. Instrumentally the intro is brilliant, vocally the intro is brilliant. So far, I can't fault the song. this review is probably going to be very short because I can't just keep repeating "this is sick" haha. I think I'll just read the lyrics, maybe that'll pack the review out a little bit. okay so lyrically the song is great, a lot of it is very repetitive but most choruses are. The verses however, are actually pretty good. the lyrics are very relateable and I think a lot of people will listen to this song just to feel like there are people out there that know and understand them and what they're going through which i think is nice. I think it's really lovely when bands are able to have that kind of connection with their fans.
I think this is going to be the end of this one because there isn't much else I can say about this song. It's brilliant, check it out if you haven't already.

First reaction to Bring Me the Horizon - Happy Song & Throne

This is a post that has literally been in my drafts since happy song got released and until now I haven't listened to it  because I wanted this post to be a "first reaction" and tbh, if it wasn't for the fact that they have just released the first official single off of their new album, I probably still wouldn't have wrote this post.


So this is like a 4 minute song or something and judging by the beginning, I think I'm really going to enjoy it. I wasn't really holding much hope for the album because of all of the butt hurt fans that still live in 2008. But, I'm impressed. I really enjoyed the mellow songs on Sempiternal. I really like the lyrics too. I haven't had a proper look at them but they're pretty sweet. I am absolutely loving the instrumental aspects of this track, so fucking sick. Yep, I'm really liking this song, it's very similar to sempiternal at the end of the track. but yeah, second song released off the new album and I can honestly say that I'm looking forward to it, definitely think I'll be buying this album when it's released.

Okay, time to listen to the first official single off of the album - Throne.
I'm not 100% loving the intro, oli's vocals are brilliant - as always. the lyrics are pretty good. I'm really not a fan of the song instrumentally though. but anything with techno robot shit in, I've never been a fan of. This song is very repetative and a little basic/simple for my liking however I did read the interview that they did with Rolling Stone and Jordan Fish said himself that this song is the most simple one that they wrote for the new album.
I'm going to give it another listen but only because I actually want to watch the video this time.
not a fan of the video but after listening to the song a second time, I kinda like the drumming. But I think that might just be the only instrument that sounds good in the whole song. I think I would like oli's vocals a lot more if he didn't sound so grisly but that is probably due to years of screaming badly (not saying his "screaming" was bad, just that his technique wasn't great and has quite obviously ruined his vocals and it will take a while for his voice to go back to normal).

xox