Big changes ahead!

I know, I know, it's been a heck of a while since I last posted on here. But, I have got a reason, and that reason is university. I have had so much work to do over the last three months that I have barely had chance to sit down and relax. So, I took some time off of my blog but I'm now back. I did have some posts planned for over Christmas but I got so caught up in the festivities with my family that I completely forgot to post any of my drafts (what a dope).

So, as we've just started the new year, I'm going to fill you guys in on my resolutions for this year and some reasons for these resolutions.

Resolution 1:  As you all know, I am currently at university. I am now half way through my second year. But, what you may not know is that since I started university, I have had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that something just didn't feel right. And it wasn't until recently that I figured out what that feeling was. I hate university. Don't get me wrong, living away from my parents and having freedom is amazing, and I feel like it really has allowed me to grow up a lot more than I ever expected to (considering I have the mental age of a 40 year old lady. I'm legit a mother hen without any friends to share my wisdom with). But, I have a very strong dislike to every other aspect of university life. I hate the long nights of stress because I'm just god awful at my course and no matter how much I try to get better at it, it just isn't good enough. I hate the sleepless nights because all everyone else seems to be concerned with is going out clubbing and having loud music on till around 1am, then getting back at 4am and continuing the loud music. I hate having really loud neighbours that think they're the next big DJ. I hate getting business cards from someone who sells drugs. I hate having to walk down three flights of stairs with my laundry basket, going outside in the freezing cold rain to the laundrette only to find out that there are no washing machines available. I hate it all. So yes, one of my biggest plans for this year is to drop out of university. This is scary. It's terrifying for me because I don't know what I'm going to do with my life once I do drop out, and the constant questions from everyone, all the concerned family members, all the curious friends that ask me what I'm going to do once I've dropped out, what my plans are after uni, if I'm going to go back to college or start a new uni course in September, it's just enough to push me into a dark, damp pit of panic. I feel pushed into a corner, like I need to have my life figured out in the next couple of months before I drop out otherwise I'll just be even more of a failure. But, all I can say to them at the minute is that I don't know what I'm going to do with myself, that all I know is that after spending a year and a half doing criminology and psychology, is that I don't want to spend my life doing criminology and psychology. This course doesn't open all kinds of doors; it opens doors that lead to a life of "fighting crime" and dealing with criminals or mentally ill people, and that is definitely not what I want in life.

Resolution 2:    To completely throw myself into the things I love doing. I find myself putting off my hobbies for things that I deem important at the time. But, when I think back at the things I put it off for, it's really not as important as it seemed at the time. Everyone should make time for the things they enjoy otherwise they'll just end up unhappy. And, considering I've spent the last year and a half unhappy, I really want this year to be different. I think what happened to make me really think about this was what a lecturer said in November. Now, I can't remember the reason why he said what he said but what he said impacted me quite a lot and it's something I've thought about almost every day since. what he said was basically that in our heads, everyone things their singing sounds like Adele or Jessie J, when in reality, we're all pretty shit, because if we weren't shit at singing, we wouldn't be sat in that lecture. I don't think that I'm the worlds best singer but, I'd like to think pretty decent at it considering my history on the topic. But, it's something I've never tried to do as a profession, and since school, I barely ever do it in my spare time either. I have just came to realise that when applying for a job, whether you think you'd be good at that particular job or not, you throw yourself into it and just try your best. But, with singing, I've always said that it's not worth trying because it's not an easy thing to get into, but, every job is hard to get into, nothing comes easy, so why not try?

Resolution 3:   Spend more time with the people I care about. This one is possibly one of my biggest aspirations for this year. Last year, I saw my best friends, 4/5 times. Which is god awful. But, I guess that that's what happens when you don't live near each other. But this year, I really want to see them more. I have spent the last two weekends with them and they've been the best weekends I've ever had and I feel so much closer to them. I've known the for three years now and never really felt that close to them but I now feel like if I have a bad day, I could talk to them about it and that really is the best feeling.

Resolution 4:   Get a job. I have never had a job. and my only experience was being a teachers assistant for a class of 3/4 year old children. Which was amazing and I loved it but it isn't going to help me get a job in a city. But, I need to get a job fairly soon so if anyone has any tips on creating a 'super CV', that'd be fab.

Resolution 5:   Move in with my best friend. At first the plan to move in together was something we joked about but it's out legitimate plan now, and is something we're going to do later in the year. Kinda part of the reason I need a job too ;)

I hope you enjoyed this post, and have had a lovely day!  I'll see you in the next one!

xoxo

10 years time

I don't know how many of you will have seen Alfie's video the other day. But, his video was a video response to the question that Will asked at the end of his video: Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?
And, this got me thinking quite a lot, because when I was younger I used to plan my life. I knew what job I wanted, I knew how many kids I was going to have - and their names, I knew that I was going to get married - and a lot of the details of that wedding, I knew where I was going to live, what pets I was going to have, to be completely honest, I even knew how long I wanted to live for. I used to tell myself that I would die at around 60 - naturally or self inflicted - simply because I didn't want to live long enough for any life altering diseases to take over. But, now that I'm older I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I'm currently at university studying a pretty big subject, a subject that can open a lot of doors but I don't even know if I want a career in this area. I don't know where I want to live - although I do know it won't be in Liverpool (I hope). and to be completely honest, not knowing kinda scares me. I feel as though, at the age of 19, I should know what I want to do with my life. I mean, I turn 20 this year and I've never even had a job. It's time for me to grow up and start a career but I have no idea what I want it to be in. I feel as though I have no time for a job, university takes up all of my time but having a job is essential for life, I need a job for the experience, I need a job so that when I finish university I have something to fall into, a job to keep me going, income so that I can afford a place to live.
I have no idea what career I will have. Maybe tattooing, maybe piercing, maybe youtube, maybe a travel agent, maybe I'll live my dream of singing for my career - whether that's celebrity status or cruise ship singing, if I sing as my career, I can guarantee that I am happy with my job.
In ten years time, will I be married? no, probably not. I have decided that marriage is not for me, I don't want to be attached to someone in that way. I don't like feeling trapped and that is what marriage is. It's a trap, get married and you have to pay to leave the person you're with. You're trapped with that person for life. I like knowing that I can leave someone if I decide I'm not happy, without having to pay.
In ten years time I would like to have children. But, it probably won't happen. I will not have children until I am sure that I have enough to be able to look after a child. I want a nice house and a good job. And it might sound selfish, but I want to be able to travel, have some proper time to myself and whoever I am with before I have children. Children tie you down, tie you to one place, and I want to live before I decide to give life to another.
There are only a few things that I am certain on, and they are that I will have my pug, I will have a pet pug called Peanut. I will have my Alaskan Malamute (not sure on her name yet). I will have my dogs, I will have the person I want to spend my life with - whether that's the person I'm with now or someone else, I will be happy and I will be surrounded by my family and the people who care about me and hopefully I will have had a short period of time that is stress free.

I feel as this post lacked fluidity but I really had no idea how to word everything that is flying around in my head. There are so many things I want but realistically won't have - like a nice big house and all the tattoos I want, and there are a lot of things I hope to not have but probably will - like a shitty job & body. But that's just life. It's pretty difficult to say where you hope to be in ten years. Because if you get your hopes up and it doesn't turn out how you wanted, you'll be disappointed even if your life turns out pretty great. Anyway, I hope this wasn't too boring, I know I haven't posted in a while but I've not been very well lately and the days were I wasn't sick, I wasn't in the right frame of mind to post anything that anyone would enjoy.
Love & Peace, Lindsey xo