I don't know how many of you will have seen Alfie's video the other day. But, his video was a video response to the question that Will asked at the end of his video: Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?
And, this got me thinking quite a lot, because when I was younger I used to plan my life. I knew what job I wanted, I knew how many kids I was going to have - and their names, I knew that I was going to get married - and a lot of the details of that wedding, I knew where I was going to live, what pets I was going to have, to be completely honest, I even knew how long I wanted to live for. I used to tell myself that I would die at around 60 - naturally or self inflicted - simply because I didn't want to live long enough for any life altering diseases to take over. But, now that I'm older I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I'm currently at university studying a pretty big subject, a subject that can open a lot of doors but I don't even know if I want a career in this area. I don't know where I want to live - although I do know it won't be in Liverpool (I hope). and to be completely honest, not knowing kinda scares me. I feel as though, at the age of 19, I should know what I want to do with my life. I mean, I turn 20 this year and I've never even had a job. It's time for me to grow up and start a career but I have no idea what I want it to be in. I feel as though I have no time for a job, university takes up all of my time but having a job is essential for life, I need a job for the experience, I need a job so that when I finish university I have something to fall into, a job to keep me going, income so that I can afford a place to live.
I have no idea what career I will have. Maybe tattooing, maybe piercing, maybe youtube, maybe a travel agent, maybe I'll live my dream of singing for my career - whether that's celebrity status or cruise ship singing, if I sing as my career, I can guarantee that I am happy with my job.
In ten years time, will I be married? no, probably not. I have decided that marriage is not for me, I don't want to be attached to someone in that way. I don't like feeling trapped and that is what marriage is. It's a trap, get married and you have to pay to leave the person you're with. You're trapped with that person for life. I like knowing that I can leave someone if I decide I'm not happy, without having to pay.
In ten years time I would like to have children. But, it probably won't happen. I will not have children until I am sure that I have enough to be able to look after a child. I want a nice house and a good job. And it might sound selfish, but I want to be able to travel, have some proper time to myself and whoever I am with before I have children. Children tie you down, tie you to one place, and I want to live before I decide to give life to another.
There are only a few things that I am certain on, and they are that I will have my pug, I will have a pet pug called Peanut. I will have my Alaskan Malamute (not sure on her name yet). I will have my dogs, I will have the person I want to spend my life with - whether that's the person I'm with now or someone else, I will be happy and I will be surrounded by my family and the people who care about me and hopefully I will have had a short period of time that is stress free.
I feel as this post lacked fluidity but I really had no idea how to word everything that is flying around in my head. There are so many things I want but realistically won't have - like a nice big house and all the tattoos I want, and there are a lot of things I hope to not have but probably will - like a shitty job & body. But that's just life. It's pretty difficult to say where you hope to be in ten years. Because if you get your hopes up and it doesn't turn out how you wanted, you'll be disappointed even if your life turns out pretty great. Anyway, I hope this wasn't too boring, I know I haven't posted in a while but I've not been very well lately and the days were I wasn't sick, I wasn't in the right frame of mind to post anything that anyone would enjoy.
Love & Peace, Lindsey xo
Friday 27 March 2015
Thursday 12 March 2015
Goodbye Terry.
I've not posted in a while for personal reasons but I thought I'd post a nice quick update because I'm feeling like I need to get a few things out.
As most of you probably know, the world lost one of its greatest, most inspirational authors today. Terry Pratchett has sadly passed away. And learning about this today made me think so much about my childhood.
There are quite a few things that no-one knows about me and for the sake of this post, I'm going to share one of those things now.
Growing up I used to write a heck load of stories and comic strips. Most of them were fantasy/sci-fi based the rest were horror/mysteries. I loved to write about monsters and alternate universes, death, murder and serial killers (Jack the Ripper being my biggest inspiration for the serial killer stories, the Yorkshire ripper being another inspiration). Anything I found interesting to read, I loved to write about. I had notebooks filled with stories. I had diaries that I used to write in. But I never wrote the diaries about my day, they were always about my characters day. My biggest influences for these stories were Terry Pratchett and Darren Shan. Another thing that no-one knows is that when I read a book, I imagine all of the details, all of the small things, I take them all into consideration in my imagination, say there's a monster, not only would I imagine what that creature looked like, I'd imagine the situation, the scene, I'd imagine what state the creature is in, is it out of breath, is it sweating, is it angry, how angry is it?, is it covered in a liquid? what liquid, bile? blood? vomit? and and sometimes, I'd draw what I was imagining. Drawing the creatures that other people imagined was probably one of my favourite things to do. But, I was so ashamed of doing it that I would draw it and then throw it away so that no-one else saw it. I used to want to be an author, or an illustrator, I used to want to write my own stories and draw the illustrations that would accompany them. That was a dream of mine, but one I never shared. I don't quite know why this is something I have never shared with anyone. I'm not exactly ashamed of doing these things or wanting those things, I guess I just didn't think anyone would understand. But, one of my inspirations has died today. And, to me, that's a sign. Even the greatest of people don't live forever, but they sure do last forever. Terry Pratchett will last forever in history, he will always be remembered, his stories will always be read and passed around, just like Shakespear and Grimm, and Conan Doyle. He will be forever loved and remembered. Terry was an inspirational man. Despite his terrible disease, he continued to create, he wrote stories that inspired and entertained the world and I think that if a man so ordinary, so normal, can become someone so important to so many people then what's to stop anyone else doing the same? The world is full of so many people, and at least one of them is going to be the next person to inspire the world. So many people are going to be known, known for their art, for their achievements and for their personality and I want to be one of those people. I want to leave my mark on the world and inspire millions, just like Terry did. I don't want to die, I want to die and be remembered by millions.
Sorry for the rather messy post. I didn't really think much about it before posting it. I just thought that I needed to get this out, and that this was the best place to do so.
love and peace, Lindsey xo
As most of you probably know, the world lost one of its greatest, most inspirational authors today. Terry Pratchett has sadly passed away. And learning about this today made me think so much about my childhood.
There are quite a few things that no-one knows about me and for the sake of this post, I'm going to share one of those things now.
Growing up I used to write a heck load of stories and comic strips. Most of them were fantasy/sci-fi based the rest were horror/mysteries. I loved to write about monsters and alternate universes, death, murder and serial killers (Jack the Ripper being my biggest inspiration for the serial killer stories, the Yorkshire ripper being another inspiration). Anything I found interesting to read, I loved to write about. I had notebooks filled with stories. I had diaries that I used to write in. But I never wrote the diaries about my day, they were always about my characters day. My biggest influences for these stories were Terry Pratchett and Darren Shan. Another thing that no-one knows is that when I read a book, I imagine all of the details, all of the small things, I take them all into consideration in my imagination, say there's a monster, not only would I imagine what that creature looked like, I'd imagine the situation, the scene, I'd imagine what state the creature is in, is it out of breath, is it sweating, is it angry, how angry is it?, is it covered in a liquid? what liquid, bile? blood? vomit? and and sometimes, I'd draw what I was imagining. Drawing the creatures that other people imagined was probably one of my favourite things to do. But, I was so ashamed of doing it that I would draw it and then throw it away so that no-one else saw it. I used to want to be an author, or an illustrator, I used to want to write my own stories and draw the illustrations that would accompany them. That was a dream of mine, but one I never shared. I don't quite know why this is something I have never shared with anyone. I'm not exactly ashamed of doing these things or wanting those things, I guess I just didn't think anyone would understand. But, one of my inspirations has died today. And, to me, that's a sign. Even the greatest of people don't live forever, but they sure do last forever. Terry Pratchett will last forever in history, he will always be remembered, his stories will always be read and passed around, just like Shakespear and Grimm, and Conan Doyle. He will be forever loved and remembered. Terry was an inspirational man. Despite his terrible disease, he continued to create, he wrote stories that inspired and entertained the world and I think that if a man so ordinary, so normal, can become someone so important to so many people then what's to stop anyone else doing the same? The world is full of so many people, and at least one of them is going to be the next person to inspire the world. So many people are going to be known, known for their art, for their achievements and for their personality and I want to be one of those people. I want to leave my mark on the world and inspire millions, just like Terry did. I don't want to die, I want to die and be remembered by millions.
Sorry for the rather messy post. I didn't really think much about it before posting it. I just thought that I needed to get this out, and that this was the best place to do so.
love and peace, Lindsey xo
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