10 years time

I don't know how many of you will have seen Alfie's video the other day. But, his video was a video response to the question that Will asked at the end of his video: Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?
And, this got me thinking quite a lot, because when I was younger I used to plan my life. I knew what job I wanted, I knew how many kids I was going to have - and their names, I knew that I was going to get married - and a lot of the details of that wedding, I knew where I was going to live, what pets I was going to have, to be completely honest, I even knew how long I wanted to live for. I used to tell myself that I would die at around 60 - naturally or self inflicted - simply because I didn't want to live long enough for any life altering diseases to take over. But, now that I'm older I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I'm currently at university studying a pretty big subject, a subject that can open a lot of doors but I don't even know if I want a career in this area. I don't know where I want to live - although I do know it won't be in Liverpool (I hope). and to be completely honest, not knowing kinda scares me. I feel as though, at the age of 19, I should know what I want to do with my life. I mean, I turn 20 this year and I've never even had a job. It's time for me to grow up and start a career but I have no idea what I want it to be in. I feel as though I have no time for a job, university takes up all of my time but having a job is essential for life, I need a job for the experience, I need a job so that when I finish university I have something to fall into, a job to keep me going, income so that I can afford a place to live.
I have no idea what career I will have. Maybe tattooing, maybe piercing, maybe youtube, maybe a travel agent, maybe I'll live my dream of singing for my career - whether that's celebrity status or cruise ship singing, if I sing as my career, I can guarantee that I am happy with my job.
In ten years time, will I be married? no, probably not. I have decided that marriage is not for me, I don't want to be attached to someone in that way. I don't like feeling trapped and that is what marriage is. It's a trap, get married and you have to pay to leave the person you're with. You're trapped with that person for life. I like knowing that I can leave someone if I decide I'm not happy, without having to pay.
In ten years time I would like to have children. But, it probably won't happen. I will not have children until I am sure that I have enough to be able to look after a child. I want a nice house and a good job. And it might sound selfish, but I want to be able to travel, have some proper time to myself and whoever I am with before I have children. Children tie you down, tie you to one place, and I want to live before I decide to give life to another.
There are only a few things that I am certain on, and they are that I will have my pug, I will have a pet pug called Peanut. I will have my Alaskan Malamute (not sure on her name yet). I will have my dogs, I will have the person I want to spend my life with - whether that's the person I'm with now or someone else, I will be happy and I will be surrounded by my family and the people who care about me and hopefully I will have had a short period of time that is stress free.

I feel as this post lacked fluidity but I really had no idea how to word everything that is flying around in my head. There are so many things I want but realistically won't have - like a nice big house and all the tattoos I want, and there are a lot of things I hope to not have but probably will - like a shitty job & body. But that's just life. It's pretty difficult to say where you hope to be in ten years. Because if you get your hopes up and it doesn't turn out how you wanted, you'll be disappointed even if your life turns out pretty great. Anyway, I hope this wasn't too boring, I know I haven't posted in a while but I've not been very well lately and the days were I wasn't sick, I wasn't in the right frame of mind to post anything that anyone would enjoy.
Love & Peace, Lindsey xo